The date is January 2007. I’ve made a deliberative habit of calling or making contact at least 10 times a year with those whom I consider to be my 10 closest friends. Some of these people can be relatives. In 2000, I started counting the number of times my ten best friends made an effort to contact me.
Three of them made an effort to contact me more than I did them. One was equal in the number of contacts. Two contacted me less than five times. Another one contacted me only on my birthday but at least it’s every year. And three I never heard from unless I contacted them.
I stopped calling the three I never heard from and still have not heard from one of them. And most likely never will. Of the other two, one contacted me a year and a half and the other three years after I ceased contacting them. You will not be surprised to know that both of them indicated that they haven’t heard from me in a while and wondered if anything was wrong personally or otherwise. So I told them I am no longer maintaining a one-sided friendship with people. Sometimes it’s best to admit the true relationship you have with some people. There are all sorts of levels of friendship and those you never see or hear from unless you make contact are not worthy of my friendship.
It’s not a hard and fast rule. After stating my mind, I frequently hear and see one of my no contact friends and would speak to the other two if they call today. However, how big of a loss is it to lose a friend who walked out of your life on their own accord. They had ceased being friends long ago.
So periodically call a friend that lives close by that you haven’t seen in a while and go to lunch, dinner or out somewhere together. Make an effort to get everybody together in a group once in a while. But don’t waste your time maintaining a one-sided relationship. And most importantly, don’t lie to yourself about who and who are not your friends. Try not to be enamored by who a friend may be everyone else but instead judge them by their character, commitment and support toward you. And finally, ask yourself if you’ve been a good friend.