You wake up in an unfamiliar room, missing a button or two, with a few stains on your shirt that you’re hoping are food-related. The last thing you remember from the night before was downing that fourth shot of Cuervo. Okay, so you blacked out. But what exactly does that mean?
There are probably 100 or more websites and forums where people relate stories of themselves and others who are blackout drunk or intoxicated. When I retired early in 2002 and decided to write and consult, I often hung out on Friday nights with a group of family members and long-term friends. Because I lived a considerable driving distance away from the regular watering hole, I rarely went to the after bar parties at a wealthy group member’s house that was basically set up to like a private resort. There was a hot tub that included a spillover waterfall into an oddly shaped pool while music played throughout the area by numerous outdoor speakers.
By mid week stories were often related to me of skinny-dipping, sex, nude dances on the outside bar and several other illicit activities. The stories were often told in a hushed cryptic whispered voice were anyone would conclude several parts were missing. What I didn’t know is the missing parts and fragmented stories were the result of the group being blackout intoxicated while still conscious. And yes, you can remain totally conscious while blackout intoxicated but will simply have no short term memory.
I made notes of these juicy stories we all want to know about but rarely comment to wanting to know. Along with these and other stories it was my intention to someday write a book about life’s illicit moments. You know, those times and things we do that we guard revealing to anyone like the government protects Fort Knox. However, in the end I realize the book could never be written.
Here, I will relate two of the stories from personal observation that occurred in 2003. At a later date, I will expand this article to include other observations and stories personally related to me. As usual, for these kinds of issues the names have been changed. Practically all members of the group are keenly aware of these events.
One male member of the group would frequently urinate wherever he was when the urge overwhelmed him. The most notable occasion was an evening where they were doing tequila shots for nearly 45 minutes. It would not be unusual for them to whiz through an entire bottle in 15 to 20 minutes necessitating the retrieval of another. One evening a small group of us was startled when we heard a woman’s voice yelling “stop it.” We all shuffled through the sliding glass doors to see her slapping and pushing her husband who was urinating between a chair onto the wall in the family room. It took a few members of the group 30 minutes to clean the mess in the chair was removed and placed temporarily outside. I might add that it was an expensive La-Z-Boy. The next day the individual has no recollection of his action.
On another evening, my wife and I decided to stay over for the night as we were drank too much to drive home. After another round of shots, my wife went to bed while I remained outside with a female member of the group smoking and drinking Grand Marnier. We were startled when another member of the group walked into the sliding glass door attempting to come back outside. I will refer to this lady as Mary. We walked over to help her but she insisted she was okay and staggered through the door to the outside patio area. She walked over to a grassy area by the wooden stockade fence unbuttoned her short pants, squatted and started to urinate. Mary was staring right at us as I looked on in amazement. Evidently, the other lady had seen this on numerous occasions and was not surprised. However, we both shot forward a step when Mary slipped on the dew covered grass onto her back but continued urinating. We walked to the edge of the patio and looked down at her, deciding if we should help.
This wasn’t just a person who slipped and fell but instead an individual lying in a puddle of her own urine. In the end, we did help her and the other lady gave her a shower, washed the clothes and put her to bed. I was told the next morning, the Mary was found sleeping nude in a lounge chair on the patio. To this day, Mrs. urination has no recollection of that evening’s events or the 100 other blackout escapades.
Here are a few other shortcakes of various events
A lady named Carla had a minor vehicle accident, hitting several bushes a few blocks from her house. She did not remember the accident and had few recollections of the police officer placing her in his car. While everyone typically encouraged Carla to state over, she would routinely slip out of the house without telling anyone. On many occasions she was found asleep in her car.
When Carla was not slipping out of the house undetected, she usually wandered off to an empty bedroom and passed out. She typically was found lying in a bed nude with all of the lights on and the door opened. The other ladies would conduct a Carla search if she was missing for 10 minutes or longer.
On one occasion, no one could locate Carla’s clothes until the next day when they located in the bathtub sopping wet, including her belt and shoes. I was told, one of the shoes was filled with water and a bar of soap was resting on top of her blouse
On one occasion when there was a ladies night out at my house, I came home around midnight to discover all of them on the back patio area, drunk, topless and showing off their breasts. My investigation revealed that one of the ladies whom had recently received breast implants was asked by a few others if they could feel her breasts. This led to a mutual topless comparison exhibition and topless dancing.
Oh, I forgot to mention the night I found Carla asleep sitting on the commode.